Running in Quarantine - or how I learned to stop worrying and stay 6ft away on a single track
- Rufus Chaffee
- Apr 28, 2020
- 7 min read
My Spring 2020 was going to be epic. I had completed my first 100 mile race in October 2019, had a solid marathon training cycle, and began implementing a plan on increasing my running base and strength through elevation and miles. Lots and lots of miles - my target was 90 miles and 10,000 ft of elevation every week. Beyond that I'd selected races that I was genuinely excited to compete in and all built logically up to a destination 70 mile Western States qualifier in June.
This was going to be when I transitioned from focusing on completing a race to competing. I'll never be an elite level athlete but the mental approach is just different - don't run to finish, run to get the best out of your body on that given day. Beyond that, having completed a 100 mile race there was nothing that intimidated me any longer. If I could survive the adversity I went through at that, problem solving along the way, I could handle anything that came up. My physical and mental approach felt strong and on point to get me where I wanted to be.
Through January, February, and early March everything was falling into place. Steadily building my mileage up to 80 miles a week while increasing elevation to 7500 feet a week my body was also reacting exactly how I'd anticipated. I was tired and sore but bouncing back and the hills weren't taking the toll on me like they had in the past. There were periods where my body was completely locked in and I'd knock out 10 mile run after 10 mile run with ease. To say I was getting into the best endurance shape of my life felt accurate (I was definitely faster when younger but anything I did physically in my 20's doesn't count, it's like a distant universe) .
A 10 mile course with 1800ft of elevation has turned into my gauge of fitness - runnable but challenging in points, it allowed me to compare pace and relative effort over time. In the fall of 2019 I was running the course in just over 1:50 and walking/power hiking more than a few more challenging sections. My first pass at the course in March saw me cut ten minutes off my time and able to entirely run all but two sections including some very challenging hill sections. This coming as just a normal run in the midst of a hard training week was the first clear indication that I had taken a big step forward in my fitness and approach. Of course a few days later I was humbled by a different trail which was a perfect reminder not to get cocky. That's the beauty of trail running, no matter how good you are there's always a course out there to humble you.
Motivation for me has always centered around racing, having that date hanging over me that I knew was waiting. Feeling down, feeling unmotivated, feeling tired? Doesn't matter. Get out and run because that race is coming and if you don't do the work you won't reach that goal you set for yourself. I'd break up training with other races to keep things interesting and it just fueled my competitiveness and drive. If a period of time comes up that I don't have a race on the calendar I revert to laziness, multiple days off, and lackluster runs because there's nothing to hold myself accountable, nothing I'm working towards.
So what happens when I have no option to race?
Like everybody the last few weeks, going on nearly two months, has been an adjustment. I could get into life and the real world which matter far more, but this is my running corner so my focus will be that compartment of my life. As first my March and then April, May and June races all cancelled and postponed there was an almost immediate feeling of loss. The plans I had made, the visualization I'd done, the goals I'd set were all null and void. While it's a bit of an exaggeration, my identity was being pulled out from me unexpectedly and quickly. On top of that, knowing there were no races to work towards had me concerned that I would revert to unmotivated lackluster runs and fall back into what I will call "normal shape". I don't think I'd ever fall into bad shape, but having to ramp back up from normal shape to ultra shape and get ready for the fall over the summer felt like a step back. I wanted to use that time to fine tune what was already there. I had a plan damn it.
At first my approach was to create a challenge. My first race had been scheduled for late March - a six hour ultra set to serve as an extended long run and first fitness check. I got an idea to run to an ice cream stand 28 miles from my house and back. As added motivation and to create a "why" I used it to raise money for a food bank, the course didn't have too many hill sections and while on pavement would be interesting enough. I took an extra day off and backed off my miles that week, taking a don't overthink just go out and do it approach.
It was actually pretty eye opening to me what kind of fitness I was in. My first 50 mile race was a year prior and I'd walked some sections and really struggled after about 38 miles. On this day I ran the first 52 miles without stopping other than to consume a meal halfway through before heading back. Unsupported, I just used gels, tailwind energy drink, and salt tabs on a set schedule I've found works for me (gel every 40min, salt tab every hour). My pace wasn't blistering (9:39) but not knowing what to expect I had started very conservatively. I was consistent, picked it up on the way back, and at no point struggled beyond what I would have normally expected. The only reason I ended up having to stop was a bit of pain in my right knee that felt different than normal wear and tear. There was no reason to push through it so I walked for two miles and shook it out before starting up and running the last three miles in without incident.
In the aftermath I faced the normal dip and down period that comes in the few days post ultra effort, but physically bounced back quickly. Overall I estimated that I was in competitive 100k shape, but not quite 100 mile shape which was actually ahead of where I had expected to be. Still holding out hope for my focus race in June, which was cancelled in the weeks after, and having completed a 57 mile run I felt a sense of satisfaction. Good for patting myself on the back, bad for keeping motivated. Being satisfied allows complacency to remove that mental edge I think is necessary in order to keep improving. I still remember when after breaking 2 minutes in the 800m in college I felt satisfied, whatever happened the rest of the season I knew I'd accomplished the goal I'd set for myself. I didn't break 2 minutes again for another 2 years, but that season I took another 3 seconds off my time because I never felt satisfied. I also felt an inability to ramp up again for another ultra effort. An ultra effort takes a lot mentally and without competition to push me going longer than 4 hours alone was going to be difficult to get up for.
So after a few weeks of lackluster training I made a decision. I had to let go. I wasn't having fun, was in danger of burning out, my body was tired and sore, and there was nothing to motivate me through this dead zone. It was time to give myself permission to ease up and just let whatever happens happen. For somebody who keeps a spreadsheet on their training and plans out months of training this wasn't easy but it was necessary. And it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I knew I wouldn't stop running entirely but if I took a few days or a week off I was going to be ok with it. Whatever happens happens.
A funny thing has happened over the last few weeks. I have actually become more motivated to run and enjoyed running even more. In the short term my weekly mileage cut back and I did take an extra day here and there off which allowed my body to bounce back and feel strong again. Running tired for months on end in training is good for an end game but can cloud your enjoyment and also distort any idea of what kind of actual shape you're in. As I've gotten back to normal strength I've been able to attack hills and trails with a renewed vigor. Running as I feel has also freed me up to just enjoy each run as it comes rather than worry how it fit into a big picture plan. I've taken on some challenging courses and seen what I consider remarkable progress from times and efforts done only weeks or a few months ago. And having this joy for the moment has also helped me to let go and better learn how to run both inclines and declines faster. Of course I'm still tracking miles and setting goals but it's not at a come hell or high water level of commitment, OCD level 7 instead of 9.
Do I still wish I had races on the calendar, of course. I can't wait to get back out there and feel that nervous competitive energy fueling me. There's a Last Runner Standing race in August that I can't wait to take on, my target race for June is most likely getting moved to September, and then my second 100 mile effort in mid October. Like anything, however, we adapt and move on. But I feel confident that I'll maintain my motivation and love of running through the fall if it drags out - maybe even give some virtual races a try. I might actually learn something from this... but don't count on it.
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